Allison's YAV Year

A lot has happened since I last wrote a blog post. In November, I started teaching classes. I teach Arts for grade 10 and meet with each section for one hour a week. I like this class, but I wish I was able to spend more time with these students. I also teach Contemporary Philippine Art for one section in grade 12. I see these students three times a week, so I know them a little bit better than my grade 10 students. I think that I am starting to get used to teaching some, but I am still trying to figure out the best way to get my information across to my students. The more I teach, the more my students feel comfortable talking to me, so that makes me feel as if I am doing an alright job.

When I’m not teaching, I have been able to do some travelling as well. Over Thanksgiving weekend, my fellow YAVs and I got together with our supervisors for our first retreat. We visited Tagaytay, which is just a few hours south of Manila. We spent our time catching up with one another and reflecting on the experiences we’ve had so far. That Sunday, we hiked Taal Volcano, the volcano that erupted on January 12, a little over a month after our visit (I ask that you continue to pray for the communities on and around the volcano as they deal with the effects of the disaster).

For Christmas break, I stayed with the Sambat family at their home in Tarlac City. It was nice to be able to go out a bit more since there is more to do there than in Tabuk City. While it was a nice break from teaching, the time off came with its own challenges. This was my first time spending the holidays away from my family. While we were able to facetime a few times and I got to talk to my extended family when they had their celebrations, it just didn’t feel the same. Watching everyone around me celebrate with family made it hard for me to NOT think about how much I miss my family and spending time with them. But my uncle sent me a text that really put everything into perspective: “Don’t think about what you are missing. Embrace what you are enjoying instead.” Even though I wasn’t with my family in America, I was still with people who love and support me during this time of caring and good news.

I returned to teach for only a week before I left for travel again! This time, I grabbed my passport and headed to Chiang Mai, Thailand to attend the Asia-Pacific Regional Gathering for Mission Co-Workers in the PC(U.S.A.). The YAVs in the Philippines and Korea were invited to spend time at the sessions and to help lead worship in the mornings. These gatherings happen every four years as a way to gather the Mission Co-Workers serving in Asia with some members from World Mission as a way to network with one another and to learn new ways to better serve their communities. I really enjoyed getting to learn about what World Mission does in the Presbyterian Church and to hear stories from Mission Co-Workers in Asia. If you want to learn more about what World Mission does and how to support their missions, click here.

So the one question that I have been asked a lot by my friends back home is, “why haven’t you been writing your blog?” Honestly, I ask myself this question at least once a week. I have plenty of drafts saved on my computer, but I can’t seem to get myself to post them. And I think I finally have an answer: I’m scared that they aren’t good enough. I have suffered from imposter syndrome in the past, and it gets worse when it is time to write a blog. It’s not so much about the quality of my writing as I am the content of my writing. It is hard to share my experiences here in the Philippines with people back home when they don’t have the full context of the place I am living. I don’t even know the full context, and I have been living here for five months. At the same time, it is hard to give enough context in a blog post in a way that keeps the reader interested enough to make it to the actual meat and potatoes of what I want to say.    

For me, though, the biggest issue I have with sharing my blog is that I feel like I am not doing enough here to share back home. When you hear about people doing mission work, you tend to picture someone doing some big, great thing that has a tangible impact on the community they serve. But to me, I’m just teaching arts. I am one of their numerous teachers that they see every week. I am the least qualified to be their teacher (I don’t have my teacher certifications) and feel like my lack of knowledge on the subject is holding them back. It makes me wonder what I am giving these students and this school that they can’t get from a Filipino teacher. These are thoughts that are hard to process. It’s hard to put these feelings into words. But the one thing I notice while these thoughts go through my head is that these are just my own anxieties. I am trying to live up to an idea of a mission worker that I have put on myself. There is still value to the work that I am doing here, even if I cannot see and feel it every day. The YAV Program is a different type of mission program that works on making connections with communities and working together towards a more just world. Instead of trying to live up to someone else’s expectations of what my year should look like, I should start living up to my own expectations about my YAV year.

I don’t really know what to do with these feelings I am having. But the solution to the feeling of not being “enough” for a blog is not avoiding writing one. Avoiding my responsibilities isn’t helping anyone or anything. Instead, I still need to share what I am doing, learning, and experiencing while I am here as a way to help myself and others try to understand what my mission year is like for me and for the community I am serving.

I have been at Saint Tonis College, Inc. (STCI), my placement site, for over a month now! I am living in the dorm on campus to start, and it is nice to have my own space that is close to where I work. I have mainly been working with the Office of Student Affairs and also taught a stress management course for grades 11 and 12. On the weekends, I travel with my site coordinator, Bishop Sambat, the school’s president, and his family to different local churches throughout the Northern Highlands Conference of the UCCP. Starting in November, I will be teaching an arts class for grades 10 and 12, as well as starting a theater/drama program for the students to get involved with. I never thought that my year in the YAV Program would bring theater back into my life, but I am happy to welcome back the activity that had such a positive impact on me growing up.

            When I first stepped out of the car at STCI, it was almost as if everyone stopped playing games and stared at me. When I had my first meeting with the Bishop in his office, some students were peeking through the windows to look at me. When I would say “hello” to students, they would get shy and nervous. But as I have been around more and more, the students have gotten used to seeing me around campus. Most of them are still shy, but I am still greeted with “good morning/afternoon, ma’am” when students see me. I am sure that once I learn more of the local dialect (Ilokano) and start teaching some classes, I can build a better relationship with the students. Throughout my time here, I keep asking myself the same question: will I ever fit in here?

As someone who has dealt with anxiety for a long time, I hate having attention drawn to me. Fitting in and being able to blend in with a crowd has been something that brings me great comfort. However, in the Philippines, that is a comfort I haven’t really had. To say that I don’t fit in physically is an understatement. Since I have been in Tabuk City, I have not seen another white person. The first question I am asked when meeting someone new is, “What country are you from,” something I have never been asked before. Many people have commented on how light my skin is, how big my nose is, and how blue my eyes are. This is new for me, and a bit unnerving to have attention focused on me because I fit into the ideal beauty standards here: tall, light skin, defined nose, light colored eyes. While I am an average height in America, I am very tall here. I have to crouch down when I walk through the market in order to walk under the umbrellas. I have hit my head on doorways and clotheslines more times than I can count. I have been taller than most people I have met, making me stick out above a crowd.

I also don’t fit in socially. I am still adjusting to living in a new culture than the one I am used to in America. I usually eat only two meals a day back home and have never really been much of a “snacker.” Here I have been trying to get used to eating three full meals a day, plus having merienda (snacks) twice a day. Having a merienda with someone is a big part of the culture here, so it is especially hard for me to balance not wanting to be rude but also not being hungry enough to eat. I still don’t know the dialect, so unless a what is being said is fully in English, I am lost and feel excluded. I have to slow down when I speak in English so people can understand me through my accent, which is hard for a fast talker like myself. I also have had to rethink the way that I speak English by avoiding slang (do you know how hard it is for me to not say “y’all” all the time?) and making sure I enunciate every letter of every word, especially when teaching. I still don’t really know what the “correct” way to do things is, like how to greet someone or how to leave somewhere. Filipino time runs about 10-15 minutes late. As someone who shows up exactly when something is supposed to start, I find myself arriving early to everything.

While not fitting in makes me uncomfortable and is something I am still learning to adjust to, I have been welcomed in by many of the people and families I have met. The main thing that I have seen in almost everyone that I have met is that the kindness and hospitality I’ve experienced in the Philippines is unlike anything I have ever seen or experienced. My host mother in Bohol told me that she practiced her English for weeks before I arrived, even though I was only there for a few days. People offer me food or coffee, a sign of acceptance into their home and/or family. I have been so easily welcomed and treated with so much hospitality. Even though I will be living and working here for a year, I feel like I am given some extra treatment as a guest. For example, my dorm has an attached bathroom/comfort room, and it was wired for cable before I moved in and I have my own refrigerator in my dorm room. These can be seen as luxuries in Filipino homes.

So, will I ever fit in here? I can learn the language and understand the social norms. But even if I try my hardest to fit in fully, I never will. I can’t change the color of my skin or my height. I can’t change the country I was born in, which will always make me a foreigner here. But at the same time, why am I so worried about fitting into a community that I have already been welcomed with such open arms? Is fitting in or not being noticed somehow “better” than being welcomed into a new place? I don’t know the answers to these questions, but what I do know is that I am still going to try my best to live in, and learn about, the culture and the society I will be a part of for the next few months and to be grateful for the generosity the people have given me.

I have officially been in the Philippines for one month now! Most of that time was spent as orientation to the country and learning about its history and culture. To me, the most meaningful part of the orientation was my rural exposure experience in the island of Bohol.  This was a way for us to go out into different communities and to experience first-hand the day-to-day life of the people who live there and to learn about the different struggles that they face. The other YAVs and I were split up, and each of us partnered with an intern pastor in the United Church of Christ in the Philippines (UCCP), who guided us as we stayed in the communities of the rural churches they serve. Japhet Estorque was my companion here and helped me understand the full scope of life in Limokon, a barangay outside of the municipality of Dimiao. During my exposure, I mainly stayed with one host family, the Iduls, who welcomed me with open arms. They also helped guide me during my stay in Limokon.

Day 1

On the first day, we made a curtesy call to the Mayor’s Office in Dimiao, where I met with the Vice Mayor. We discussed the municipality and the issues they face, as well as ways that the local government wants to solve them. Most of the people in this community make a living from either farming or fishing. The Vice Mayor told me that his office hopes to make improvements by becoming more developed in the future. He wants to do so by fixing the infrastructure and internet access in the area as a way to draw more prospective businesses and to promote tourism in the area. Thursday is the market day in Dimiao, so I was able to visit the market and see how the farmers and fishermen sell their goods. Markets are important to farming communities because not only is it how people make a living, but it also helps foster a strong sense of community.

Later that afternoon, we visited some of the rice fields and farmland with my host family. Here, I watched as the family made buko, a drink made from coconut juice, coconut meat, and condensed milk. While most of the area isn’t being used now, Mama Rufa told me about what it was like there when she was younger. She told me about how the children would play in the fields as their parents worked and how they would go to the river to get their water. There aren’t any irrigation systems here, so it takes a lot of work to make sure that crops get enough water. This is especially true for rice, which requires a lot of water to grow. After enjoying our buko, we played volleyball with some of the local youth (hi Imo) and then went to church that night for their midweek service. This was my first introduction to most of the members of Limokon UCCP before we visited them at their homes the next day. It was my first time going to a church service that wasn’t in English, but it was still enjoyable to sing and worship alongside the community members despite not always knowing what was being said.

Day 2

The next day, Japhet, Angel (my host sister), and I walked through Limokon and visited with church members at their homes along the way. This was probably my favorite day because it was when I could really sit and talk with the members of the community and learn about what it was like for them to live there. Every house I went to welcomed me in and offered me food, so my stomach and my heart were full by the time we were finished. One family had a pig farm, so I was able to watch and learn how to feed pigs. At another house, we had lunch and then had fun singing videoke, where I got a personal high score of 99. I was also able to meet with two members of the barangay council. They were able to tell me about the issues that affect Limokon specifically and the services that they offer. One of the services is the monthly check-ups for children at their health center. I was even able to watch as children’s heights and weights were measured and recorded.

On the way back home, I was able to visit the local water source. Since there aren’t any municipal water sources, community members have to get their water from a nearby stream. Many families have hoses that run from the stream to their homes while others will walk to the stream for water or to do their laundry. The head of the stream has a large tree, where the roots help filter the water to make it clean. It is believed that there is a spirit that lives in the tree that provides the community with clean water. During a time when two of the communities using the river were fighting with one another, the stream dried up and people were left to find other sources of water. After the communities stopped feuding, the stream returned. People believe that the spirit who lives in the tree was responsible for this as a way for the communities to learn that they should not be fighting with one another.

Day 3

            The third day of my exposure was full of adventure. We started the day early with a morning hike, something that I never thought I would ever do willingly. The hike was long and hot but the view from the top, and time spent together along the way, were totally worth it. Later that afternoon, I went with a group of the church’s youth to Ipo Falls, the main tourist attraction in Dimiao.  In order to get the falls, we had to walk through the jungle and cross over the river. It was nice to get to swim while also sharing food and fellowship with the youth, especially while being surrounded by the beautiful scenery.

In between the two hikes, I was able to visit one of the rice fields and learn how to plant rice. The work is very tedious and time consuming. I was sweating after doing it for only a few minutes, so I can’t imagine what it would be like to do it for hours in the hot sun every day. Despite the amount of labor that goes into planting in harvesting rice, farmers make very littl profit. This is a reality that many Filipinos face trying to make a living, as rice is the number one crop produced in the Philippines.

I was able to experience and learn a lot during my time in Bohol. I learned about how the community of Limokon lives their day-to-day lives. I learned about some of the challenges that they face. I learned how to plant rice. I learned a few words in Visayan. I felt how welcoming and wonderful the congregation of Limokon UCCP is. I saw how content they are with their lives, something that I always seem to take for granted. I can never thank this community enough for the ways they made this exposure experience so memorable. I want to thank everyone who welcomed me into their homes and all of those who shared their time and stories with me. Thanks to the Idul and Magdugay families for letting me stay in their homes and for cooking fantastic Filipino food for me. Thanks to Jason for helping drive the group where we needed to go. Special thanks to Japhet, who was many things during my time there: tour guide, pastor, translator, paparazzi, friend.

Hey y’all! Thank you for checking out my blog! I will be using this site to document and share my time in the Philippines for my year with the Young Adult Volunteer (YAV) program through the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.). For those of you who aren’t familiar with the YAV program, you can check out their website here. If you would like to get to know me a little better, feel free to check out the About Me section of the blog. Once I get more information about my trip, I’ll be sure to share it with you!